What Is Good Listening?
A Great Friend Has Good Listening Skills
When someone comes to you for help, you may feel like jumping right in and solving their problem, but don’t jump too quickly. Often when people express a need for help, they really just want a sounding board or a good listener. Advice and solutions may actually get in the way of solving the problem, and your attempts at fixing everything could end up straining your friendship. Improve your listening skills with the ideas presented here.
You may have lots of things going on in your life, but when a friend approaches you for help it’s a good idea to set your distractions aside and pay close attention. This is especially true if you really value the person’s friendship. Nothing is more off-putting than being in distress and feeling that the person you have turned to for help would prefer to watch television or go for a run instead of listening. When your friend turns to you for help, be sure to set aside your tasks and pay attention.
The skill of listening involves heart and mind, ears and eyes. Look at your friend kindly. You don’t have to stare, just make sure that it is obvious you are listening. Reflect your friend’s emotions with your own facial expressions and by nodding, touching and otherwise giving non-verbal clues that you understand and empathize. Lean toward your friend and keep an open posture. Don’t cross your arms or legs.
Pay attention to your friend’s words. Be sure you understand what the person is actually saying without being distracted by the way the thoughts are being expressed. Simultaneously, do keep an eye on the person’s body language and take note of tone of voice. Trust your impressions and keep them in mind for follow up questions and clarification.
No matter how well you know your friend, be careful not to anticipate. Allow your friend to speak fully and completely. Avoid interrupting or supplying thoughts during pauses. Just sit quietly and listen carefully. Give yourself a few moments to digest what your friend has said, and be sure to clarify and ask questions if you are unsure before you begin giving feedback and advice.
Remember that feedback and advice may not be necessary. Venting is a very powerful way of calming the emotions. It may just be necessary for your friend to express his or her feelings without being questioned, judged or corrected. If you are able to just listen and reflect your friend’s experience, that may be all that’s needed. If you are unclear on any part of the information your friend has shared, ask questions and repeat your understanding of the answers.
By focusing your attention, listening and responding carefully, patiently and non-intrusively, and demonstrating clear understanding you can be a good friend and an effective listener.
Copyright:SuzanneBennett:April 14, 2013
For more on good communication, you may enjoy...
How To Help A Friend Cope With Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Caused By Childhood Abuse
Assume Responsibility For Your Communication Style
http://justmesuzanne.hubpages.com/hub/Assume-Responsibility-For-Your-Communication-Style
